January - "Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight!"
February - "Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ... Helllloooo!!! Bottles won't fit in printer!!!"
March - "Got really excited ... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months ... box said 'for 2-4 years!"
April - "Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!!!"
May - "Tried to make Kool-Aid ... wrong instructions ... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!"
June - "Tried to go water skiing ... couldn't find a lake with a slope."
July - "Lost breast stroke swimming competition ... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!"
August - "Got locked out of my car in a rain storm ... car swamped because the soft-top was open."
September - "The capital of California is 'C'... isn't it!!!"
October - "Hate M & M's ... they are so hard to peel!!!"
November - "Baked turkey for about 2 1/2 days ... instructions said one hour per pound and I weigh 58!!!"
December - "Couldn't call 911 ... 'duh'... there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!"
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